Inside My Mind

I had a friend today tell me they had enjoyed reading my blogs recently. Gena told them that I don't blog since I came off the Percocet last week, so I thought I should at least try to prove her wrong. Also, Gena told her to keep in mind that most of the blogs were written under the influence of pain meds or anesthesia and I should not be held accountable for everything posted. Well.... some of that may be true. But, here is an update. I went back to work a few hours at a time last week. I have been increasing the amount of time at work every day. However, I have found that my fatigue increases significantly after 4-5 hours. About 6 hours into the day, I can barely function. I think part of that is due to the extra effort required for doing the most basic things. It takes me 10 minutes to change from sweats (my only option in clothing until the splint comes off) into pajamas. It takes 5-7 minutes to brush my teeth. It takes a long, long time to get to the bathroom and return. I...

Two weeks ago today, I experienced a life-changing event. I realize that a broken leg is minimal compared to the events many people face daily. I realize that I am blessed in my lack of hardships and am in no way wanting to overstate what has happened to me. However, I do want to use my experience to learn more about who I am and what I should be. From someone who has been healthy all of their life, this has been (and will be) a short-term set back, and short-term only. Hopefully, the lessons learned will be long-term and truly life-changing. I have been amazed at the number effected by my experience. The kids lives have changed. They are on-call 24/7 to answer their phones, drop what they are doing, and come to my assisted living space (they are the assisted part) and help me with whatever menial task I might need to have done (i.e. turn the heat up, bring me a drink, let Bella out, etc.) They have done well, but the more they do when asked by me, the less they notice on their ow...

The last time I was confined for more than a day or so (GI bug, kidney stone, migraine) was 1978. I had mono my senior year of high-school (which was the las year we had this many continuous days with snow on the ground. I was at home, in bed or on the couch while all my friends were sledding for weeks. I missed all the fun, but had to stay indoors. I don't remember going stir crazy but would be surprised if my mother told me I didn't. I don't like being in one place. I don't like not being able to get up and change rooms, go to a different part of the house, or simply go find a book I want. I want mobility and I want it now! I am impatient and do not like relying on others. Having said that, I may get my wish tomorrow. Having been off pain meds for 24 hours, I will attempt to go to the office tomorrow to see patients for a few hours. I will be set up in my office with Gena starting out with patients and bringing them to me. I think we have a system that will work, ...

Monday morning has brought another snow storm (with another snow day for the kids). It also brought another day for me at home, trying to be patient while my leg heals. Another day with Gena at the office, trying to manage patients, while I sit here trying to get comfortable. I think if I could be involved in therapy, actively participating in the process, I would feel better. But since I can't start therapy for another 11-12 weeks, I feel kind of useless. Hopefully, I will be able to go in to the office to see patients for a few hours on Wednesday. If I am able to do without my pain meds long enough to go in & manage their care, I will try to start back for a few hours a day. I can already tell that minimal activity leads to rapid fatigue. I know I wasn't in the best of shape, but when all of this happened, I was exercising several days a week. What would my energy level be had I not been exercising? Patience is a difficult thing for me to grasp. I want to be patient, b...

I should probably take my time rehabilitating my leg to do something useful instead of just sit around and be randomly lazy. It would be a good opportunity to really get into the winter Olympics. I could watch all the interviews, learn the names of all the stars, know the courses and events well. I could become an Olympic junkie. That would be pretty cool. But there are at least two problems with that. First, I'm not a huge fan of winter sports. Skiing, sledding, skating, curling, hockey....they don't excite me. Maybe it's because I grew up in Tennessee where we don't see much snow. Maybe it's just something for which I never acquired. the taste. The second problem is more personal. I'm sitting here with plates and more screws than I can count in my leg causing a stabbing pain every time I twist in a new direction. When someone slips on the ice while skating, or falls while skiing, or does an "agony of defeat" thing while jumping...my leg HURTS. Thos...

I am an addict.My wife told me this morning that I am addicted to the internet. I know I am addicted to caffeine. looked up the definition of addiction and found it to be a state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. Wow!  What else would qualify as an addiction? I can think of several addictions, both physical and psychological. Caffeine. Control. Knowledge. Organization. I cannot function without my morning caffeine. In fact I get a headache if I am late with my morning dose. I like (no, demand) control. I need to have order and some idea of where all situations are leading. I like knowledge. The more information you have, the more control you have when situations change. I like to be organized. I like knowing where my papers, e-mails. phone messages, and everything else is. A place for everything and everything in its place. This week, every one of ...

It's been over a week now. Some of you may be bored with my posts, but I promise that the focus will change with time. I started this blog as an opportunity to share my insights as I prepared and studied for Sunday School classes and small groups. This meant that almost anything I read or any encounter I had was fair game. Last week, though, I had a life-changing experience. I know, it could have been much worse. Many of you have had experiences that changed your lives as much or more than mine has. I realize every day how blessed I am to have the opportunities I have. And every word I type is underscored with the knowledge and faith that I am held in the hands of a loving God who has a plan for me. He is in control and I praise Him for who He is. The biggest change I have had is in going from someone who can do everything for himself (even though Gena is not supposed to know this) to someone who can do almost NOTHING for himself. The smallest thing now requires my dependence on ...

OK, my first day at home, mostly by myself has been completed. I was able to do almost everything I needed. Gena's dad took me to the office for a while. When we came home, he fixed my lunch. I still haven't figured out how to transport food/drinks from the kitchen to the rehab center (bedroom) while using a walker. I don't have anyway to carry the food. Pain is holding up pretty well, though I still can't wean the meds. I want to try to cut way back on them by next week. Bella is great company. She listens to my complaints and rubs her wet nose against my cheek when I need her to. Several friends stopped by to talk. It really eased the boredom. Frank Czeschin, Arthur/Catherine Turcotte, Greg/Jill Robinson, Julie Wade. Even a few minutes helps. Thanks for your efforts. I have been listening to post-super bowl analysis all day. I have a hard time believing that God really cares who wins the super bowl. It was said over and over that the Saints win is proof that God a...

 I have decided that caffeine definitely makes that pain medications absorb more quickly. Mornings (my worst times) are spent in my chair with hot coffee after taking my meds. I generally get a rush about an hour after the meds that makes me want to fall asleep. The pain tolerance is no different, but the euphoria comes quicker and harder with the caffeine. (This all makes since physiologically, but it's kind of neat to feel it myself). I hope to wean off the meds soon, but I was asked not to do that until after the second surgery. Our heat is out again. Last weekend, our main floor furnace was out due to a faulty gas valve in the furnace. Finally fixed last Monday, we woke up again this morning with a cold bedroom and no response from the furnace. Space heaters are back out and Gena's dad is coming over to troubleshoot before calling the HVAC guys. Hopefully, they will have the parts they need to fix it. I'd rather not have to replace a furnace right now. Our high-deducti...

My internal alarm still goes off between 4:30 and 5:00. Thankfully, the internal snooze still works. Up, in the chair, hot coffee in the cup. The 'workstation' Gena set up for me (it's actually a 'Try to Keep me Sane Station') is phenomenal. Without having to get up, I have access to my computer, Blackberry, Bible, books, snacks, drinks, iPod w/ headphones, medications, remote controls, movies (thanks Mortons), and blankets. Within a short hop/skip/jump, I have every piece of Durable Medical Equipment a good nursing home needs. I don't have to leave the bedroom. This recovery may take a lot longer than expected  ;-)

The effects of the drugs wax and wane, so if I repeat myself, please understand. Today has been very painful. I weaned off of the IV morphine to oral Percocet and am on what I consider a pretty high dose. I have been in therapy and had the pins cleaned several times. As I write this, Susanne (evening nurse) is redressing my pins and cleaning my leg. (OUCH!) I get my last dose of IV antibiotics tonight and will finish up with pills. I had to be on antibiotics because of the open fracture. As of now, I have a plate with 4 screws in my left fibula. The fibula was only in 2 pieces. The tibia, on the other hand (or foot), is in 5-7 pieces.The current plan is for me to leave here tomorrow and return next Tuesday/Thursday for plating/screwing of the remaining pieces. Thanks for all of you calls, concerns, and prayers. Keep 'em coming!

It's 3 AM and my pain meds are wearing off. I'm trying desperately to limit the amount I'm taking, but having wires drilled into your leg and heel necessitate some help with pain control. I've been over 12 hours without IV meds, using orals only. This is big, meaning after I finish my 48 hours of IV antibiotics, I should be able to go home. Hopefully that will be late tonight or early Friday morning. I'm trying to figure out the little things, like shaving, bathing, eating, etc. Gena is confident that these things will be easy to work out. The combination wife/mother/nurse/woman that I cherish so much will be able to get me through the next several weeks. I have a hard time giving up control and relying on someone else to care for my basic needs. Well..... here goes. I'm going to trust Gena and the kids to set up what I need. Hopefully I will be home soon, rehabilitating, doing my therapy, listening to my family and friends. I resolve to spend more time talking...

Well, here goes. First of all, thanks to everyone who has called, Facebooked, Tweeted, texted regarding my accident. Mostly, thank you for your prayers. We serve an awesome God who has a definite purpose for everything that happens. I'm not sure what he wants from me right now, but I am trying to listen to him. For those who don't know, I broke my leg yesterday while attempting a tuck-and-roll from a second-story ladder at home yesterday. Last night, I had surgery to insert plates and screws into my left fibula while also attaching an external fixation device. I got to my room at Floyd Memorial Hospital in New Albany late last night. The night went well from a pain standpoint, but I had some urinary retention issues that required a catheter insertion. I had a CT scan done of my ankle today that shows extension of the fracture into the ankle joint itself. Physical therapy has been helping me learn to use a walker and crutches. The staff has been great. What this means is this...

For those of you expecting a theological treatise on 'The Fall', this is not the place. For those of you looking for information about my accident, this is the place. Rather than take up space on Facebook, I'll blog here and post links as my status updates. Tuesday, February 2, 2010, Gena and I had returned home from a lunch out together. I had a list of several home projects I had been working completing & looked forward to finishing several others throughout the day. The weather was nice (45 degrees and cloudy), making for an opportunity to finish up a few outdoor tasks. We had decorated the house for Christmas lights with wreaths on several windows. This required removing screens. While the wreaths were long since gone, the screens had not been put back up due to weather. Having just hung up the phone from the ER (regarding an admission to the hospital), I re-hung all of the first floor screen without difficulty. I had a phone call from our pastor & was going to...