Addictions
I am an addict.My wife told me this morning that I am addicted to the internet. I know I am addicted to caffeine. looked up the definition of addiction and found it to be a state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. Wow!
What else would qualify as an addiction? I can think of several addictions, both physical and psychological. Caffeine. Control. Knowledge. Organization. I cannot function without my morning caffeine. In fact I get a headache if I am late with my morning dose. I like (no, demand) control. I need to have order and some idea of where all situations are leading. I like knowledge. The more information you have, the more control you have when situations change. I like to be organized. I like knowing where my papers, e-mails. phone messages, and everything else is. A place for everything and everything in its place.
This week, every one of my addictions has been challenged. My caffeine addiction was challenged when I couldn't eat or drink before surgery. A headache was the result of my withdrawal. Now I have to call for help with even the smallest activities. I have given up control of when the laundry is done, or when the phone is answered, or when I can eat. I am becoming anxious because I cannot control my situation. I do not know how my recovery will go. I can't set my schedule, plan my exact time of return, or start back at my usual pace. I can't control my schedule. I need something from my desk (in my downstairs office) and I rely on the kids to bring it to me if they can find it. ARRGGHH!
I can see why God wants us to have no addictions other than Him. He wants us to rely on Him completely. He is in control. He has a timeline. He knows what is best for us. When we let things enter our lives that require our dependence on them rather than on Him, he sometimes needs to show us what withdrawal is like. I think my withdrawal from caffeine, control, knowledge, and organization will be far less painful than withdrawal from God. Lord, please remove my addictions and make me totally dependent on You.
What else would qualify as an addiction? I can think of several addictions, both physical and psychological. Caffeine. Control. Knowledge. Organization. I cannot function without my morning caffeine. In fact I get a headache if I am late with my morning dose. I like (no, demand) control. I need to have order and some idea of where all situations are leading. I like knowledge. The more information you have, the more control you have when situations change. I like to be organized. I like knowing where my papers, e-mails. phone messages, and everything else is. A place for everything and everything in its place.
This week, every one of my addictions has been challenged. My caffeine addiction was challenged when I couldn't eat or drink before surgery. A headache was the result of my withdrawal. Now I have to call for help with even the smallest activities. I have given up control of when the laundry is done, or when the phone is answered, or when I can eat. I am becoming anxious because I cannot control my situation. I do not know how my recovery will go. I can't set my schedule, plan my exact time of return, or start back at my usual pace. I can't control my schedule. I need something from my desk (in my downstairs office) and I rely on the kids to bring it to me if they can find it. ARRGGHH!
I can see why God wants us to have no addictions other than Him. He wants us to rely on Him completely. He is in control. He has a timeline. He knows what is best for us. When we let things enter our lives that require our dependence on them rather than on Him, he sometimes needs to show us what withdrawal is like. I think my withdrawal from caffeine, control, knowledge, and organization will be far less painful than withdrawal from God. Lord, please remove my addictions and make me totally dependent on You.
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